My husband and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary last month; yet we have been living together and raising our kids together as a family for a bit over 7 years now.
I look at other people around us, people that has only 1 or 2 kids and some without any kids and they seem so unhappy but they blame their issues and problems on the kids.
When we met I had 5 and he had 1 - the older 3 were living with their dad as to accommodate me working shifts and them being in school in a different town. So for most of the time we had 2 girls and 1 boy ranging between 6 months and just under 2 years old, that was 3 kids on bottles and nappies at the same time, me working shifts and him working every weekday and still we managed.
Maybe we can blame the kids for sticking it through as they kept us way to busy to try find the time to find fault with each other. They never woke up at the same times and they all were clingy and jealous of the attention the others got which made them a full time job. It was actually a blessing sometimes to go to work to just get a break from kids.
I'm not saying we never disagreed - we had plenty of those days but we grew to respect each other and realised that neither of us could pull it off without the help the other puts in. Maybe it was because neither of us ever said "Oh but I work all day so I cant help with kids" or "I work harder than you so you have to sort out kids" ...
We never made turns either - we did it all together. Apart from when the other was working. And even then, neither bolted when they saw the other and decided they now deserve a time off.
Now those 3 little rugrats are growing into quite responsible humans ... at 7, 8 and 9yrs old we can see that we did quite an "okay" job with raising them so far. They are responsible, respectful and well mannered and finally we get to start seeing how much the input is paying off.
Then we had our first child together - a little boy who is the spitting image of his daddy - in January this year and our little girl on the way. The older 3 are such a huge help with our son, they feed, change nappies, make bottles and even help with bathtime to give mommy and daddy a break.
But before I start treading away from my topic again ... my point is "happiness" ... We are happy !!!
We both work full time jobs and still we both wake up night times for bottles and nappy changes, and not once have I been told "its a womans job to change nappies and raise babies" ... and the same goes for house work (although he definitely does way more housework than I do) ... When the washing machine plays its tune he is there already and hanging up washing. While I cook he takes everything Im done using and washes it. By the time we sit down to eat - there is not a dirty spoon or pot in the basin apart from the plates we are eating out of and the cutlery we use at table.
I am one helluva lucky girl !!
But all in all, that's not what happiness is about. In our household it plays a big part since the kids are alot of work. Its not easy helping 3 kids in Gr1 and Gr2 with homework and keeping a baby busy and entertained at the same time whilst also trying to make supper. So teamwork is a definite plus.
Happiness has more to do with making time for each other despite how tiresome it is to raise a family.
Respecting the input that the other one has into the household, whether it be chores, financial input or just advice.
Listening !! this plays a huge part. Even if there is no response - just the knowing that someone is listening is already very helpful.
No blaming ... luckily for us, we make decisions together and if both don't agree then we decide on an alternative that suits both equally - therefore it eliminates the blame game since both are to blame if it was a wrong decision.
Trust - Realising how much you can rely on someone to have your back at all times is what drives me.
Love - never being scared of reminding him/her how much they are loved and how much they mean to you.
Teamwork ... everything is teamwork ... if there's only one doing everything then there will always be one constantly unhappy - if you cant be a team player then I doubt there will be happiness.
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